Thanks to a dear friend of mine who's blog I was just reading, I was inspired to start writing again. I started writing when I was 12 years old. I have old notebooks & journals half filled up with trials & tribulations I went through during the "roughness" of teenage years, when I thought life was really rough. I started writing because I was forced too. In 6th grade English, part of our grade was based on keeping a daily journal. Some days there were topics we had to write about, other days we had free writing. Free writing days was when I discovered the joy of writing. We were required to only write one page, yet I always found myself writing 3 or 4 pages. I would have to get a new notebook half way through the school year sometimes. I kept a journal every year after that. Partly because English class required it, but mostly because it helped me keep my head on straight throughout middle & high school. I was the girl that kept a journal throughout the summer too. Yes I was that girl...the nerdy girl who was always in the advanced classes, always on honor roll. Then IT happened. My junior year, I met HIM. And I stopped writing. Well I stopped free writing in my journal unless it was required. He took up my every second. Ahh, high school love..........That is where I made my mistake. I should have never stopped writing. But you live and you learn, and boy I have learned SO very much.
I got through my junior year with him by my side & swore we would be together forever. That just goes to show that sometimes we should all know in high school what we know about life NOW. He graduated and the day after his graduation we drove from NY to GA following behind my father in the big yellow truck. I left EVERYTHING I knew ALL of my life and relocated to GA with him, after much debating and arguing with my father. We made it through the drive and through the years, with many ups & downs. Fast forward to 2004.
1 month after my beautiful niece Zoe was born, I found out I was pregnant. THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!! All my life I KNEW that the ONE job I wanted was to be a MOTHER and God finally gave me my gift, my blessing. At that moment, I knew, I had to start writing again. And I did. After I found out God had blessed me with a beautiful little girl, I found the PERFECT notebook and I started writing again. It was a fuzzy pink notebook with dark pink hearts. I couldn't ask for a more perfect notebook. And the journey began. I wrote to baby girl everyday. About the journey I was taking with her in my belly. Every thing that happened I recorded for her. It was FANTASTIC!! Then she was born & I was always out of time. 3 years later, she decided to take the notebook & draw in it. Its still around, with her additions to it.
January 2009, I found myself divorced, a single mom, & moving back in with my parents. I was dying inside. I was about to move 3 hours away from my life. From my soul mate, from my sisters, from my friends, from everything I had grown to know & love. But it was necessary for me to do, for myself. I needed to figure out what was next. High school was far from over & so was the life I had known. I was about to turn 31 in March and was thinking I still didn't know what I was doing with my life. It lasted 6 months, you can't always go home!!! But during that 6 months I wrote EVERYDAY!! I wrote about me, about life, about being a mom. I wrote to my soul mate. I wrote to him every night. Wrote about my day, wrote about any & every thing. I still have the notebooks. And yes I still write in them from time to time.
Here I am today...writing again. I KNOW my soul needs this, I KNOW my heart needs this, I KNOW my mind needs this. I KNOW I NEED THIS!!!
I turned 33 this past March. 33 and I still feel like I don't know what I am doing with my life. I do my best to be the BEST mother I can be, the BEST girlfriend I can be, the BEST sister I can be, the BEST friend that I can be. And yet I still feel empty inside. The last 3 years have been crazy for me. I got divorced, I became a single mom, I fell IN LOVE-MADLY, TRULY, DEEPLY, CRAZY IN LOVE with who I KNOW is MY SOUL MATE. HE COMPLETES ME. HE IS MY OTHER HALF. I have the SWEETEST, CUTEST, GREATEST little girl who fills me with love & joy everyday. THEY ARE THE REASON I LIVE. AND I MEAN THE REASON I LIVE!!!
In January of 2009, I was rushed to the hospital due to swine flu. I woke up in February. They said it was a miracle. Everybody else that was admitted for the same thing passed away. I was the ONLY one that survived. And everyday I ask God why? My boo is a grown man, he could've made it without me, I would've always been there in his heart. My baby girl has an AWESOME family that would have made her life BEAUTIFUL, and I know I would always be with her too. Plus she has the BEST daddy in the world. Everyone else would have been fine too. So why me Lord? What is my purpose here on Earth? Why did you save just me? What are you using me for?
vallies. And almost 3 years later we are still here. He stood by my side when most men would have walked. He waited 8 years...8 years, I say. We met 8 years ago at my sister & his high school. He says he fell in love with me the first time he laid eyes on me. I still laugh about that. How do u fall in love with somebody the minute you see them? But it is obviously true, because I was on my mind for 8 years. He came into my life at the MOST PERFECT time. And I always tell him it was because my cousin sent him to me.
My marriage was ending, my cousin & best friend had just passed at the age of 34 suddenly. And like an angel there he was..."Aaron Borders, don't you remember Nen?" my sister says to me as we are riding to Atlanta to help plan my cousins funeral. "Yes, I do. His son must be huge by now!" I said. (that's a funny story, a whole different blog!). "Well he told me to tell you Hi!" she says. "When did u speak to him?" I asked. "Oh he left a comment on my Myspace page!" she says. "oh OK. tell him i said whats up!" I stated.
The next day I went on a hunt & I found EXACTLY what I was looking for. There it was on my computer screen as plain as day...."Hey BIA! How you doing? Tell your fine ass sister I said Hi!!" Sooooooo.....me being the wise ass that I am, I get on his myspace page & leave him a comment........
"If you want to say Hi, say Hi to this fine ass woman yourself and stop sending messages through my sister!!" The rest, as they say is HISTORY!!! What started out as a friendship became the GREATEST LOVE I HAVE EVER COME TO KNOW!!!
Almost 3 years and here we are. We have been through so many changes. And starting Friday, God willing, the BIGGEST change is about to come. Starting fresh in a new town. Starting our Master Plan as I say. As Nicki would say...."GREATNESS is what we are on the brink of!"
I start school in July for massage therapy. Something I have always wanted to do, but let everyone else talk me out of it. We are beginning the process of buying a house, among other things. The master plan, yes it is. So here I am, asking again, Lord what is my purpose? Why am I here? I know you put Tana & Aaron in my life to help me see the purpose, so please help me now see what the rest of my time on earth is meant to be...........
Changes? YES LORD!!! I AM READY FOR MY CHANGES!!! And I Pray to God that my boos will be with me on this journey...and I hope all of you will take this journey along with me too........
Until next time.............
Nena
